So you want to know the secrets of this park? You're planning a trip this summer to camp in Yosemite Valley*? You want to see the prettiest waterfalls**? You're planning to drive to your campsite, then drive around and see the sights?***? Or maybe you just want to know what Yosemite is doing with its share of stimulus money?
UPDATED to include Senate amendment to credit card legislation permitting semi-automatic guns to be carried in national parks, including Yosemite -- does the stupid never end?
You do have a reservation, right? Between Yosemite's immense popularity, limited number of camping/lodging spots, and the ability to reserve through the intertoobz, everything in Yosemite Valley is full. You can reserve 4 months in advance, so if you wanted to camp July 4 weekend, you needed to be on two or three computers at once at 7 am February 15 -- think of online ticket queues for a U2 concert with only 400 seats. (BTW, May 15 is the opening date for September-October reservations.) If you didn't do that, you can't stay -- or can you? Don't despair! This diary tells secrets!
Why visit Yosemite? This is why! 
This photo of Yosemite Falls was taken in the winter, hence the ice all around the fall. It's the highest waterfall in North America, and it's spoiled me for all other states' idea of large waterfalls.
From Sentinel Dome (a very easy hike -- combine it with the Taft Fissures for a great morning), you can see Half Dome with Tenaya Canyon behind it: 
Lower Cathedral Lake has a rock beach that's perfect for kicking back and sunbathing. A 3 mile, moderately easy hike from Tuolumne Meadows, it's one of many, many beautiful high country lakes.
Secret #1: Workarounds for the lodging problem:
- Don't camp in Yosemite Valley. The Valley is 2% of the park's land and 98% of its people. Instead, head up to the high country. Bridalveil Campground is one of the last to fill up. Outside the Valley, camping pads are far more spacious than the Valley spaces. The stars are brighter, the air is cleaner, and (except at Wawona campground) the temperature is a lot cooler. You will need to stay outside the park the night before so that you can arrive at a campground by 10 am.
- Approach a friendly camper at Camp 4 and offer to pay 1/2 the cost of the pad if you can set up your tent next to theirs. Camp 4 is officially a walk-in campground, meaning that you have to leave your car somewhere else (outside the Valley), and it's legendarily the climbers' campground, so be prepared for rock star partying all night and utter concentration on gear the next morning.
- Take a class through the Yosemite Association. Topics include birding, the Family Camping Jamboree, and various day hikes, and lodging (usually camping) is included on multi-day classes.
- Check the lodging reservations page on Friday evenings. I've noticed that around 6 PM Pacific time, blocks of unused rooms (had been set aside for groups?) are released to the public, and I've been able to snag rooms for high priority weekends on short notice.
- Don't go in the summer! In the spring, the waterfalls are full and the dogwoods are in bloom; in the fall, the autumn leaves are beautiful; and what can be better than ice skating under Half Dome and a full moon in the winter?
Lodging in Yosemite Valley has become political. A number of campsites were destroyed by a flood in 1997, and over the years campers hurt the shallow roots of the giant trees scattered throughout the campgrounds, so the NPS would not mind seeing campgrounds phased out. However, new lodging that is being built instead is far more expensive -- $15/day for camping, vs. $150/day for lodging -- leading some to say that it's an elitist plan by DNC, the private lodging operator. There's even a petition to restore campgrounds. Keep in mind that, if you want to be in Yosemite Valley, it's 45 minutes away from both the vacation rentals that brag about their in-park location and the nearest hotel/motels.
Secret #2: The prettiest waterfall: Ah, that's a highly objective and easily quantifiable issue. The prettiest waterfall is the one you've hiked a good 8 miles from the nearest campground, the one you have all to yourself, the one where...hey, I'm not telling you all my secrets!
It's fun through late spring and early summer to find ephemeral waterfalls -- those that dry up by June. Have you seen Ribbon Fall to the immediate west of El Capitan? It's as dramatic as Yosemite Fall, but it's gone by late May most years. Have you traced Staircase Falls in the rock above Curry Village?
Three Valley waterfalls deserve special mention. First is the iconic Yosemite Fall. Private donations have helped to pay for a new half-mile trail that preserves some of the mystery and scenic beauty of the falls, far better than the old straight-arrow quarter-mile trail. If you are in Yosemite for 20 minutes, use all 20 minutes here, and get your souvenirs another time. Bridalveil Fall is tucked away at the far west end of the Valley, and thus is a great destination for bike rides or long, but flat, walks. Vernal Fall has been described as the Nestle's Crunch of hikes -- great while it lasts, but 20 minutes later you're hungry again; for a more substantial hike, some solitude, a good workout, and amazing views, I strongly recommend going beyond Vernal to the top of Nevada Fall, about 4 hours round trip from Curry Village.
This year might not be a good one for waterfall spotting. There's only 22 inches of snow in Tuolumne Valley -- a very bad sign for both Yosemite's waterfalls and, indirectly, for California's drinking water.
Secret #3: When in Yosemite, be like the animals: use your feet! Driving in Yosemite Valley is both hazardous to the air quality and completely unnecessary. There's an excellent shuttle bus system that takes you to all the major scenic attractions in the Valley (remember, that's 2% of the park). A small amount of Yosemite's stimulus money will be used to add two hybrid shuttle buses to the existing fleet ($5.6 million of the total $7.5 million will go to install solar panels at the El Portal office complex, which will cut its electricity costs 10 percent). The Valley also has a great bike path system: very flat, almost completely off the road, and kid-friendly, so bring your bike, avoid the cars, and burn some calories. Once in the Valley, park your car once and move it only when leaving the Valley.
If you don't know where to hike, ask a ranger. The rangers who work at the visitors center are there for two reasons: they like people, and they like their park. They especially like people who get out of their cars, go off the beaten path, and hike into the park.
When you drive, you lose the ability to find magic on foot, like what I found on a brisk morning walk in winter around Ahwahnee Meadow: 
And when you drive, you don't get to play spot-the-bird: 
And when you drive, you'll never be able to find the wild blackberry patches around Mirror Lake Meadow, nor the so-called Indian caves, nor the occasional black bear.
Bonus secret tip! Half Dome (8800') is usually climbed from Yosemite Valley (4000'), a 4800' elevation gain over 8 miles (one way) out and back hike. Instead, arrange a ride to the top of Glacier Point, where you start at 7200', hike about 5 miles along the Panorama Trail to Nevada Falls, detour 3 miles to Half Dome, then down past Nevada and Vernal Falls to the Valley. The distance is about the same but you've cut out much of the elevation gain. You can also hike from Tuolumne Meadows to Yosemite Valley, again going downhill most of the way, but this route is 20 miles or more, plus the Half Dome detour, and better suited as a multi-day backpacking trip. In any case, you'll still have to navigate the infamous cables.
Speaking of secrets, the meaning of this, taken at Wawona's Pioneer Center, has never been fully explained to me. They say it's a typo, but I have my doubts. 
Note: since summer vacation time is fast approaching, this diary series will visit various national parks from time to time, as always focusing on things to do other than driving and parking. If you'd like to post a diary on a particular park, discussing the politics of the parks, or otherwise, please email me. In the meantime, please use this as an open thread to share your secrets of Yosemite and post your own pix, and for an East Coast national park diary, check out it really is that important's Moving Water, in which the text flows as beautifully as the photos. Fiddler crabby reminded us on Fitness Monday that fitness is One mile at a time, and KKmama invited Mother's Day-fitness related comments in the Saturday morningGet Fit Challenge.
Update: You might think it's a non sequiter to go from a Yosemite diary to a Senate amendment permitting guns to be carried in national parks, but it's more logical than the Senate's action. The amendment is far broader than the Bush-era midnight regulation that a judge had the good sense to shoot down (sorry for the pun) in March. If it's signed, Americans can carry semi-automatics in places like Yosemite. Worse, the amendment is attached to the credit card legislation that Obama told Congress to give to him for his signature. 27 Democrats caved to the gun lobby voted along with all the Republicans. AP story here.